Fatigue of Creativity

Art block or something else?

I love writing. I adore drawing and painting. Music too. There isn’t any form of art I wouldn’t love or at least respect. I studied art and art history in high school, which still is one of the best art schools in the Nordic countries. Even though my own skills aren’t that mind blowing, far from it actually, I still am an artist by heart. Inside, I’ve always felt that passion burning bright as raging fire.

After my graduation from high school I found myself uninspired. Where was I going now? I had lost that inspiring atmosphere that surrounded me every single day for three years. All those friends I met during those years moved on, me included. My best and oldest friend is the only one from there who I still keep in contact with regularly. I moved away from the city that was my home for 19 years to a much larger city, in which I still reside. Although everything happened so fast, I managed to adapt into my new life. Only one thing bothered me: the loss of my creativity.

I felt like my mind was slowly withering away. Every day felt like a chore, an automated procedure I just had to execute only to move on to the next day. Everything was so empty without being able to express myself with through my art, since I had no inspiration nor new ideas what to create. That autumn was one of the darkest points in my life, empty and hollow.

After Christmas I had to leave for military training, which took about half a year. After the army, I decided to apply to the university to study service design. To my amazement I actually was granted a place of study there, and that reinvigorated my creativity. This was really a turning point. I made new friends, had a good time and now I’m here, writing this article.

I’ve recently felt something similar to my last art block happening to me now. I’ve had so many projects with my studies, making me too busy and tired to even concentrate properly on writing. Last time I felt that my mind was empty, but now it feels like it’s too full, pouring over and spilling all those great concepts into the abyss. If you’ve read my stories, you probably know that I began writing them only recently. I was so excited due to the reception of my first two stories, that I set a goal to write one story per week. But now I realize that was a mistake. The quality of my writing has deteriorated and they have not been received that well. My head is flourishing with ideas and new concepts, but I am unable to produce them in any concrete form. Even the sketches have become difficult and tedious to create.

I have felt a kind of exhaustion with Arvandel, which signals to me that maybe I should take it a bit slower from now on. I’m also going to stop using the Medium Partner Program for a time, since that makes me feel like my stories aren’t good enough for everyone to read, adding to my anxiety.

Is my creative mind dying slowly? Am I becoming just a mindless drone whose purpose is just do what’s necessary? Probably not. But I should still remember not to take everything too seriously, which I tend to do. Writing and pondering on the topics in this article didn’t just open my eyes to my own actions, but it also opened my mind, readying it for new inspirations.

I hope this article will light a spark inside you, if you’ve experienced something similar yourself. Let us move together towards the future, with open minds and positive thoughts, concentrating in the moment.

Eyes on the prey, not the horizon. ~ Farkas, Skyrim (2011).